A billionaire is sailing his yacht past a lighthouse, and he sees the elderly lighthouse keeper out on the rocks at the base of the lighthouse, getting a blowjob from a mermaid – the top half was a stunning, curvy redhead, and the bottom half was a tiger shark. As he watches, the pair finish the act and the mermaid swims away.
The billionaire is stunned, and anchors his yacht there to see if it happens again. Sure enough, the next afternoon, the lighthouse keeper comes out, blows on a conch shell, and a gorgeous blonde merman with the bottom half of a swordfish swims up, and thoroughly satisfies him.
The next day this happens again! This time he blows on a different conch and the mermaid is a petite brunette with the bottom half of a seahorse.
The billionaire decides he must have this, and every night for the next two weeks, he scours the local bars to find the lighthouse keeper. He finally runs him down at a fisherman’s bar and sits down next to him.
“I’ll give you a million dollars if you tell me how you get those mermaids to come up to you. Only the female ones, though, I’m prejudiced.”
“No,” says the lighthouse keeper “it’s too difficult and dangerous, and I don’t want the liability”
“Two million dollars and a waiver” says the billionaire.
“Fine” says the lighthouse keeper, and they handle the paperwork.
“Okay, here’s what you do. You learn to hold your breath for five minutes, and go to the rock pool behind the lighthouse. Stay underwater for five minutes without any help, and a mermaid will be impressed and swim up and give you a conch. And that’s how you get Seahorse Julie.”
“Too hard!” says the billionaire. “What else do you have?”
” Get really good at swimming in the open ocean. At exactly midnight, leave from the lighthouse shore, and swim due east for exactly four miles, without your GPS watch, and a mermaid will be impressed and give you a conch. That’s how you get Tiger shark Alice. “
” Too complicated!” fumes the billionaire, “Try again! “
“Fine, here’s an easy but gross one” says the lighthouse keeper. “Go to the chicken farm three miles north of here and ask for their sickliest chicken. Pluck it, and then soak it in their sewage runoff for a day. Then grind it up into a smoothie, let it ferment for two days, and then go onto the bow of your yacht and chug it at high noon. That’s how…”
“At last!” shouts the billionaire, and rushes off to get the chicken. Three days later, he’s standing on the pointy end of his yacht, holding his nose and drinking a greyish pink smoothie.
And that’s how he got Salmon Ella.
